Awake

Here I am, at the computer at 5:45 am. I have to work in an hour and 15 minutes and I have been up since 3:15. I don't know what to do or where to go with this Donovan sleeping thing. I am not asking for him to sleep through the night: no, at this point all I want is for him to not wake up every 2 hours and need to be settled back to sleep with the help of Tom and I and a good chunk of time. Here is how last night went- Ate at 8pm, mat time, bath time and rocking to sleep via dad. 10 pm (after being asleep for 15 min) awake, crying. I comfort him at the bedside (crib) for 30 min to no avail. 10:30 eating. 11 pm sleeping in my arms, try to get him to crib, he wakes and cries. More comforting, rocking, singing, finally asleep in crib at 11:15. He sleeps until 3 am (Hallelujah!!!!!!). Tom tries to get him to sleep, works for 5 min. I try, works for 5 min. Feeds at 3:15. (PS as I type this Donovan is fussing, waking him self up. He has been asleep for 25 minutes. Bring on the waterworks (mine not his)). Asleep after feeding on one side at 3:30. Try to arouse him with a diaper change and gentle prodding. Didn't work. Asleep in crib. Wakes at 3:40, dad goes in and calms him back to sleep at 3:45. 3:50 awake and crying. I let him cry until 4:10. Go into the room, pick him up, rock him and he is back to sleep after 15 min. Lay him in his crib. Awakes promptly, screams. At this point I can't take it anymore. I let him cry for 5 min while I read about sleep problems in my books. Go in to comfort him, let him cry 10 min. He screams. Comfort him in crib again, let him cry for 15 min, more screaming. Repeat pattern until 5:10 when I try feeding him again, this time me crying the whole time. Guess what...he falls asleep after 5 min of feeding. I lay him down after about 15 min in my arms. It works, he sleeps, until I start writing this blog. It is now 6 and Tom just woke up and went in there to comfort him. I can't do it. I don't know where to turn. I just need some help and everything I read is conflicting. I am not writing this for advice, I have already had too much of that and all it does is upset me. I just need to vent and cry. One website I read says let them cry it out, another says "parent" them to sleep. How do I know which is right when nothing seems to work? He wants to be held to sleep ALL THE TIME or he just sleeps for 20 min. We can't live like that. Tonight between 11:15 and 3 is the longest stretch of consecutive sleep I have had for probably a month now. How am I supposed to live/function/work/parent on that? I know this is nothing new to many people, but it is to me. I know that I am lucky to even have a child to be upset about but that is no consolation right now. I just need a break. Not from Donovan, but from the lack of sleep. I love him so much but I need to find out how to do what is best for this family. I pray tomorrow is better but I fear it won't be. I just don't know how many more of these nights I can take. He is 15 weeks, when is this going to get better?